The Truth

I drove to a nearby grocery store and sat in the parking lot. I pondered my next move. I finally decided to drive by one last time, and if no vehicle was there, I'd head back to work.

This time, there was an unknown vehicle near our house. I pulled into the driveway, and quickly headed for the door. Once there I realized that I didn't have my house key out. It took minutes of searching and as I began to unlock the door, he opened it dressed in his pajamas.

I used my excuse to look all over the house, but didn't see her. Yet something didn't feel right. He didn't act right, and I was never out of his sight. I left confused, and determined to find out how I could have missed her.

That evening he had a friend over, and I had the opportunity to read his IM history. An invasion of his privacy, yes, but I had to know. It was all there to read. She was there, in one of the kids' bedrooms, the last place I thought to look, and the only places I had no reason to go into. I waited until his friend left, and confronted him.

He was stunned and tried to deny it, until I began to repeat some of their messages verbatim. He owned up to it, but wouldn't apologize. He left the house for the night, and I called my mom. I was enraged, and later would say that I didn't even cry I was so mad. But now, looking back, sometime after midnight I remember laying on the floor, crying and praying. Crying for all that had been lost, for years of marriage down the drain, for the inevitable pain it would cause the kids.

In the morning I was still angry, and so was he. He tried to hide his tears as he kissed the kids goodbye for the day, then turned on me. He knew I was going to poison them against him. It didn't matter all the conversations we'd had earlier in the summer when my friend's ex was using her daughter to get back at her. We discussed that neither of us would do that. No, he was sure that was my goal, no matter how much I tried to reassure him.

I had a few more angry phone calls that morning before it hit him. He finally realized what he stood to lose, all because he was thinking with the wrong head. Quickly he turned to tears, to sobbing, asking me to reconsider, asking for a chance to make things right. His change of heart caused me to falter, and I told him I'd have to think about it.

What I meant was I needed to pray about it. No matter how much he sobbed, I still wasn't sure if he was sorry for what he had done, or sorry that he had been caught. So I prayed that God would give me His path, His answer to what I should do. I knew my answer, but I couldn't go it alone. I also had several friends praying for me. By the time I arrived home that evening, I knew what to do.

I didn't like it, but I knew that God wanted me to stick this through, to try and work it out. I didn't know why, but I knew my husband was definitely depressed, something I'd known for awhile and had been unsuccessful at getting him to see it. So I had my list of what had to happen. Counseling, anti-depressants, and no more contact with her. He agreed.

I wish I could say today that all of those are happening, but they are not. He is on the anti-depressants, and for that I am thankful. We did have a counseling session, but cost got in the way of more. That one session though has helped us to start talking, and we are back on much better terms with each other. The part we still struggle with, her.