Suspicion

I would like to say that from the beginning I knew it was happening. But that wouldn't be true. I knew that he was talking to her. I knew that those convos definitely bordered on the inappropriate. But it wasn't until August when I suspected that they had slept together. Even then, I didn't want to believe it. We had been down a similar road before. I couldn't believe that he was lying to me.

You see, she was there before me. She is the ex, the ex that has never left. Always scheming, always trying to have him back. When we were first married she showed up. She claimed her daughter was his. She made every effort to be a friend to us, yet I didn't trust her. Not when she contaced him and went to our home while I was on a business trip. Especially not when she lied to my face about having never been to our place. I wondered just what had happened while I was gone. He had fooled around with a girl before this time, so I struggled with his version of what happened while I was gone.

When contact was made with her again toward the end of 2007, I wasn't happy, but felt secure in my place. We had a family, a home and we worked through any issues we had in our marriage. By spring of 2008 my husband began to change. While he always had a short temper, being around him was like walking on egg shells. I never knew what would set him off, when he would blow.

He never laid a hand on me, but his words would slice right through me. I was a lazy bitch, I needed to lose weight, I never did anything right. I soon realized that there was another side to this, when I said anything negative about her I was wrong. She came up in our conversations often. Being stacked up constantly to the ex and losing began to take it's toll. The more his temper grew, the more I avoided him. I found myself doing anything to keep me and the kids away from him.

Do not think in those actions I am a coward, because at times I would take him head on. The fights never went anywhere, but I would call him on his horrible behavior, his name calling, and what the children would learn from him. I only made him more angry, but it felt good to stand up to him.

It was August when he slipped up and said something that told me in my head that they had been together, but my heart didn't want to believe it, and so I pushed it from my mind.